Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Melanie Browne- Three Poems

The God Of The Oceans is a Real A-hole

in Hawaiian  Mythology
the God of the oceans
is Kanaloa, and he is
really mean, he represents
darkness and he is the
stuff of nightmares,
he swallows people
up and then spits them
out on the other side
of the world, he can
give a surfer a really 
awesome head wound,
he gets hungry and scarfs
a lot of spam barbecue 
sandwiches, and doesn't leave
any for anybody else,
but the worst thing is when
you are relaxing on the beach 
with a Mai Tai, and he roars
up to the surf spilling your drink,
dragging you down,
pulling down your top,
flipping you over and knocking
your head against
the bottom of the sea floor,
he doesn't care about the 
restraining order,
it's just another piece of paper
he carries out to sea

A Lock Of Mick Jagger's Hair

is worth six thousand dollars apparently,
which is equal to about 4 thousand pounds,
or about five-hundred black and tans,
but I couldn't help but wonder,
if I submitted a strand of Sir Jagger's hair
for DNA analysis, or held it under
a microscope, what would I find?
what chem-trail colors, what golden reverie,
what revolutions, what collective unconscious
a dreamy thing, a lock of hair, a castle in the air!
part  bourgeoisie, part gnarly savage beast,
but after all, it's only hair!
just worth more than Mine or your's
or his or hers!
but no, something tells me
this hair is different,
something very alive
with breathless magic like
Frankenstein's monster,
it would move with
enchanted funk,
this hair!
this trembling,
fantastical hair!!!

I Drank Some Five Hour Energy With Vladimir Putin

We had some laughs
in his Lada Kalina,
I was afraid to try
five hour energy
because I read about
a girl who ended up
growing an extra head
and a second set of
teeth after drinking one,
but Vladimir set my mind
at ease and said,
what's a matter? you chicken
or something?
I didn't want to look like
a cowardly American so I
tossed that red drink back,
and five minutes later I was
reading Tolstoy's War and Peace
in Russian and various texts from
the Bolsheviks that amazingly appeared
in my hands. I could See Vlad
laughing, his teeth unnaturally white,
and the Russian people
all around me were dressed like
Rasputin and I told Vladimir
"this is really good stuff!" 
and he laughed an unnatural laugh,
and immediately it started snowing,
the tanks were heavy on the ground,
the Lada Kalina became a prison,
and this is why you shouldn't drink
liquid speed with the leader of
the Russian federation

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