Melanie Browne- Two Poems

How To Get Rid of Turkey Neck

How to lose fifty pounds
How to hide unseemly panty lines
How To lift your derrière
How to Keep your dishes sparkling clean
How to get your teenager to help with dinner
How to erase your wrinkles
How to make your man purr
How to train your puppy
How to throw an awesome dinner party
How to potty train your toddler
How to wax your armpits
How to
How
How to take the parts of me and
How to stitch them together
How to rise from the table
How to feel
How to hope
How

The Living Dead in Wal-Mart are Filling Their Carts

The Living Dead
in Wal-Mart are
filling their carts,
frozen pizza,
Teenage Mutant
Ninja turtle perfume,
Frosted flakes,
bikinis,
The living Dead of
Wal-Mart don't have
anxiety attacks
waiting in line
behind three other
zombified roll-back
shoppers, The Wal-Mart
living dead don't
have anxiety attacks
at the register
and have trouble breathing
and try to call their husbands
and tell him over the phone
"I'm having a panic attack at
Wal-Mart,"
but the cashier doesn't know
and wants to tell you about
the thing she is knitting for her
new nephew and you smile
and say "that sounds lovely,"
but the living dead
are getting closer
with their fried DVD's
and Brittany Spears toasters
and you run as fast as
you can back to the car
and scream