can't sugar coat truth
the pathway was
as narrow as your mind
refusing to see
more than the outward appearance,
and look within;
you complained about everything:
my weight, the characters in my novels,
the way i wore my hair long,
and my fashion
you insisted i was beautiful as i was
whilst trying to change me
completely
mold me into the image you thought i
should be—
i don't understand it and i didn't then,
either,
if i was your heart's duet then you would
have accepted me for who i was
as i was;
too long i stayed in your gilded cage
all because i promised that i wouldn't be
simply a dream when you woke
yet when you woke i was a dream that you
didn't want as reality—
i didn't take the narrow pathway
made my own
because sometimes the road to happiness is a path
no one's taken because life is a journey
that you make all your own,
and anyone who cannot accept me for who i am
does not deserve me;
i won't put a flower in an ass hole and call it a vase
anymore.
spinning in circles
the horses kicked up dust
with their hooves,
and spun in circles until they
made me dizzy
just from
watching;
an awful sense of vertigo even
though i was on the outside looking in
as i have been much of my
life—
only animals seem to beck and call
to my friendship
others stray away because i'm always
too something for someone:
quiet, reserved, fat, thin, intelligent, unintelligent,
educated, uneducated, sarcastic, plain, elegant,
weird, normal;
they think their labels insult me and while they
used to i don't care what they think
people are going to believe
what they want to
no matter what—
let them judge me for all the things they do not
know or understand
they don't know what is in my heart and soul
as they're caught up in how to fix me
i'm going to shine and change the world with
my light
because my life is my own to live
won't make myself dizzy
spinning around in circles trying to please everyone.
history had other plans
what you said was funny
that we should be strangers
because it would make liars
out of both of us,
but; former lover, you never seemed
to mind sprouting untruths
i am not the same as you—
there are some things that the heart
cannot forget,
and i am done with people pleasing
so kick this pedestal out from underneath me;
i'm not the girl you once knew
now i'm much stronger—
my trust issues are worse now and i never believe
anyone who tells me they're a good person
because you told me that once,
and you were a liar;
so were your friends that insist that you were
good—
if only they knew the truth
of how condescending and self-righteous and sexist
you were,
and i really wish we could be strangers;
i never wanted to meet anyone like you but it seemed
history had other plans for us.
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