guarded wall
i'm not good at letting people in,
but i can shut them out
into the cold
confines
of otherness;
don't trust even my own shadow
because my so called best friend betrayed
me—
i'm not good at letting people in,
but i'm good at letting
them go;
so terrified that one day they'd eventually tire of me
i don't give me the chance i want to give me
a paradox, a catch twenty two
of epic proportions—
yet i don't know how to knock these walls down
i've built them so high for so many years
the thorns and the thistles
feel so good to my skin.
guarded and locked
there's no key to my heart
only a thousand doors
each with their own
lock,
and if you unlock one part of me
a certain other
is sure to close;
guarding
myself is the only way i can seem
to get protection from a
cruel and unfair world and it's peoples
who i have never fit in—
always the misfit
never the
pride,
and i must amble onward without a comfy
niche to fit into;
as people laugh with their friends
feeling as if i've always been on the inside looking out
or on the outside looking in.
a constant barricade
i let you in
to my private world
only so you could
insult it,
and so now
i've closed all my vessels
barricaded all the doors;
let the ivy and the thorns climb
and the faeries and ravens
curse any unworthy
of me
no one can be trusted
those that possibly could
i always shut
out in the cold
because i rather be guarded
than hurt,
and very slowly i open up
but they lose interest first and i convince
myself that it's better off this way.
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