Linda M. Crate- Three Poems

returning

i know when i return
for the wedding
to maine
all the memories will resurface
like a double edged blade
i will be cut
by memories of kisses stolen by
moonlight and sweet whispers
of naughty nothings
and of sitting
together in a wood that seemed
ever so enchanted
by all your lies and deception,
and by your charm which knew no
sincerity;
i will, however, remain strong for her sake
will be pleasant and smile
no matter how much it kills me inside
be polite should you be bold
enough to face me—
i will remember to be the adult
because i know from experience you can't be
trusted to play that part.



i will rise above

i will forget my pain for that moment
for she is to shine
like the sunflowers she adores,
and i will not take
that simple pleasure from
her;
i will smile, even at you, no matter
how much it cuts into the
tender parts of my
still healing
heart—
a mutual friend will be married
we will both be there,
and i know
i must swallow my pride and my pain in equal
measures because this will be her day and i will
not disappoint her;
i will close my tongue away in the tower
of my mouth and keep my snarky
thoughts of you to myself—
i will rise above
everything you did for me
not for your sake or even perhaps my own
but for her.



what's left of my heart

i will remember everything all at once
will have to swallow so hard
that everything around
me will spin,
and yet remain standing
no matter how much my legs would like to
cave;
our eyes will meet i'm sure
either you'll ignore me or you'll pretend as if
we've never met before
you will be strategic with your move
but so will i—
if you avoid me i will avoid you
and if you insist upon speaking i will be pleasant
no matter how much it kills me to
swallow all the thoughts
i truly think of you
because i will not ruin her day,
and i know this will be a test but i will pass
no matter what happens
because in the end only kindness matters
and i will give what is left of my heart
to her happiness so that she can
be even more radiant on a
day she claims as hers.