Saturday, December 28, 2013

Garret Schuelke- A Poem

Battle Creek Adult Bookstores

We came up with a better name for this place as we browsed the arcade: “Pan Land”. I’m gonna send Dante a time travel text later and tell him to check this joint out next time he’s in the field researching—we got a whole new circle for you to add to Hell. It’s occupied by satyrs with scaly bald heads adorned with greasy, grey-haired crowns, wearing stretched, faded American flag shirts.

Pan Land is lit up mainly by signs above the booths that say “occupied”. Bleach reeks everywhere, coming at you like an air gun every time you open a door. I’m confident that, in this sterile battlefield, among the crumbled tissues and stretched rubbers, some organisms survive, even if it’s on the edge.

A goat nods to us and enters a booth. The light turns bright red. We cringe and make our way back to the gates. We pay the sentinel the toll and enter the coliseum. The battle is raging but the seats are empty. We settle down in the middle row. I lean and nibble her ear. She sighs and gives me the Aphrodite treatment.

The buzzer inflicts its Medusa effect and the door opens. We look over and see Zeus. Instead of the usual toga, he’s wearing tight jeans and ragged flannel. If a god has to fall, this is the way to do it: go from ruling everything, from being able to fuck anyone you want, to watching some mortals go at it, hoping for an invite to partake.

We leave, and I’m tempted to tell him to either talk to Sue Johanson, or hit up Krishna for advice, but I just glare at him, reminding myself to remember to send him a message via Hermes later.

We pay one last toll for a private booth. We immediately embrace once the door is locked. At last, the tension and frustration built up all evening can finally be properly directed! The Arcadia in our veins can be burnt up, and we finally have the proper temple to engage in the worship of Yeezus, whom we all know is the true higher power of this world.

Bio: Garret Schuelke is a writer, journalist, activist, and blogger from Grand Rapids, Michigan. His third poetry book, "Wotan", is scheduled to be released at the end of January 2014. You can visit him at

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