Sammy's idea of
a down home get
together at the bar
surprised everyone
Not that a guy
who did twelve
different kinds
of pills, from
laughers, to downers
to in-betweeners,
with his beers
and red wine,
was known for some
spectacular surprises:
first, he placed
the box on the bar,
ordered a pint
for himself, and
a half for his
mother, who never
really was much
of a drinker, "Right,
Mom" he said
to the box.
Everyone just sat
there, quietly finishing
the sentence he had
left incomplete:
"When she was still
alive…" but no one
said anything out loud.
In fact, it was so
uncommonly quiet in
that bar, you could
almost hear the head
bubbles evaporating
on her beer.
Adult Education
I don't usually ride
the bus but my car was
in the shop so I sd.,
"What the hell.
CDTA practically stops
in front of our driveway,
like door to door service,
right?" Shows what I know.
So I'm on the bus
minding my own business,
trying to read this article
in GQ, you know, being cool
and dignified as I am,
and these two high school
girls, like 15 years old,
are sitting in front of me.
Cute little things.
But kind of sexy in a way,
sort of like daughters,
if you had kids. So I'm
thinking like, "Aren't they
adorable?" That is until
I hear what they're talking
about. I
thought guys
that age had toilet mouths,
but this conversation gave
a whole new meaning to
sewer systems.
They were
saying things like,
"You didn't have to let
him do that to you,
just give him a blow job,
that will keep him happy
and it’s a lot safer too---"
And it went way downhill
from there.
I don't think
I had any real idea what
oral sex was until I took
R&R in Vietnam.
Kids just weren't like that
when we were growing up.
From now on, when my car
is in the shop, I'll just
take a cab and listen to
the hack piss and moan about
how much he lost at the track
or how his numbers haven’t
come in since the 17th
century.
That’s something I can
understand
I was minding my
own business, waiting
for the bus by Pauly's
Hotel when this black
guy started an incredible
oration, defining his
girlfriend's sexual preferences
chugging from his pint
of Apricot Brandy between
graphic descriptions of
Kama Sutra position variations
I'd never heard of.
He even claimed she was
totally bummed during
the blizzard of '93 because
her vibrator batteries died
and there was nowhere to go
for new ones.
Well, he was
taking care of that for good
with a six pack of batteries
and a nine piece dildo to
go with it.
Showed me all
the attachments.
I wondered
if he sold dildos and batteries
for a living, he put on such
a good demonstration. I almost
asked him, how much?
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