[The Real Question]
okay
look I really don't need
to tell you this
dear reader,
the answer is just
something
you do not need
to know
don't you want to hear
instead
about the miracle
of love?
about the eternal struggle
to succeed in the
face of failure?
what about the great
tides of fate
how they twist and turn
our
fragile bodies
through time and space
on an aimless
journey
without cause?
without reason?
isn't all that
more
interesting to you?
no!
I refuse to be
your whore!
you should be
ashamed
of yourself for even
asking
such a question!
I will not
stoop
to sharing such
intimate
information...
publicly...
it's about
six and a half
inches
[The Surprise]
"wait right here and don't
leave this bed"
my girlfriend tells me
"I have a
surprise for you,
dear"
I hadn't really
planned on leaving before
if she'd let me alone
I'd have had
far less a desire
to creep downstairs
and find out
what exactly it is she's
preparing
making
pouring for me
I was never very good
with surprises
it never seems to occur
to people that
their surprise could be bad
what if your surprise
is a couple of
good slugs from a .38
or
a breakfast laced with
arsenic?
as a child
growing up in a
traditional italian
household
I was always waiting for
my father
to really lose it
and kill my mother and I
you have to be ready
for these things
just in case
I kept my bat
a louisville slugger I had
gotten on our trip to
kentucky
under my bed
and stuffed dirty clothes
in the
crack beneath my door
to make it more difficult
to open
then I'd wait all night
for sudden noises
always ready to grab the bat
and run into the closet
adjacent to the
door
to pounce when
he least
expected
now my girlfriend
comes back
upstairs with a tray
"good morning, baby!"
she sits the tray
with assorted foods
right in my lap
ah, breakfast in bed
do I dare?
I look at those sweet
young, earnest
eyes
ardent and lovely
I dare:
I plunge my fork
into a yoke
one day, ellie,
you will
kill me with your
love
[Nice Bathroom]
my friend
has a nice home
he has
the kind of sprinkler system
that turns on
at
5intheafternoon
ever other
day
of the week
he has a
big
3cargarage
and
women say they love
his
enormous
motorcycle
anyway,
this friend,
I was over at his house
once
drinking something
from peru or
bermuda or
aruba
some country where the u
is pronounced "oo"
and
I needed to
piss
"I need to
piss"
I say
"okay"
he tells me
"4th door down
the hall
on your left"
"how will I know
if I've gone
too far?"
I joke,
half serious
but
my friend only laughs
a little
rich people
don't like to joke
about being
rich
they are
afraid the
lavish lifestyle of luxury
will be
taken from them
the second they plead
to
the crime of wealth
I walk down the hall
garnished
with
portraits of people
that do not
live here
and mirrors
(to make the already gigantic
house look
even
larger)
to the bathroom
I open the door
(they are the kind of
people that keep
all the doors
closed)
and a pungent
aroma
of something,
some flowery smell,
envelopes
me
the bathroom is the
best smelling
room in the house
with a shiny
pearl
sink
and the toilet
flushes
itself
the fucking
toilet
flushes itself!
I use it
and leave without
washing
my hands
then
I return to my friend
"nice bathroom"
I say
"thanks"
he says
he
knew what
I meant
I don't think
it's related, but we haven't
seen one another
since then
I should probably
phone him
soon
I miss
he and his bathroom
so
one a little more
than
the other
okay
look I really don't need
to tell you this
dear reader,
the answer is just
something
you do not need
to know
don't you want to hear
instead
about the miracle
of love?
about the eternal struggle
to succeed in the
face of failure?
what about the great
tides of fate
how they twist and turn
our
fragile bodies
through time and space
on an aimless
journey
without cause?
without reason?
isn't all that
more
interesting to you?
no!
I refuse to be
your whore!
you should be
ashamed
of yourself for even
asking
such a question!
I will not
stoop
to sharing such
intimate
information...
publicly...
it's about
six and a half
inches
[The Surprise]
"wait right here and don't
leave this bed"
my girlfriend tells me
"I have a
surprise for you,
dear"
I hadn't really
planned on leaving before
if she'd let me alone
I'd have had
far less a desire
to creep downstairs
and find out
what exactly it is she's
preparing
making
pouring for me
I was never very good
with surprises
it never seems to occur
to people that
their surprise could be bad
what if your surprise
is a couple of
good slugs from a .38
or
a breakfast laced with
arsenic?
as a child
growing up in a
traditional italian
household
I was always waiting for
my father
to really lose it
and kill my mother and I
you have to be ready
for these things
just in case
I kept my bat
a louisville slugger I had
gotten on our trip to
kentucky
under my bed
and stuffed dirty clothes
in the
crack beneath my door
to make it more difficult
to open
then I'd wait all night
for sudden noises
always ready to grab the bat
and run into the closet
adjacent to the
door
to pounce when
he least
expected
now my girlfriend
comes back
upstairs with a tray
"good morning, baby!"
she sits the tray
with assorted foods
right in my lap
ah, breakfast in bed
do I dare?
I look at those sweet
young, earnest
eyes
ardent and lovely
I dare:
I plunge my fork
into a yoke
one day, ellie,
you will
kill me with your
love
[Nice Bathroom]
my friend
has a nice home
he has
the kind of sprinkler system
that turns on
at
5intheafternoon
ever other
day
of the week
he has a
big
3cargarage
and
women say they love
his
enormous
motorcycle
anyway,
this friend,
I was over at his house
once
drinking something
from peru or
bermuda or
aruba
some country where the u
is pronounced "oo"
and
I needed to
piss
"I need to
piss"
I say
"okay"
he tells me
"4th door down
the hall
on your left"
"how will I know
if I've gone
too far?"
I joke,
half serious
but
my friend only laughs
a little
rich people
don't like to joke
about being
rich
they are
afraid the
lavish lifestyle of luxury
will be
taken from them
the second they plead
to
the crime of wealth
I walk down the hall
garnished
with
portraits of people
that do not
live here
and mirrors
(to make the already gigantic
house look
even
larger)
to the bathroom
I open the door
(they are the kind of
people that keep
all the doors
closed)
and a pungent
aroma
of something,
some flowery smell,
envelopes
me
the bathroom is the
best smelling
room in the house
with a shiny
pearl
sink
and the toilet
flushes
itself
the fucking
toilet
flushes itself!
I use it
and leave without
washing
my hands
then
I return to my friend
"nice bathroom"
I say
"thanks"
he says
he
knew what
I meant
I don't think
it's related, but we haven't
seen one another
since then
I should probably
phone him
soon
I miss
he and his bathroom
so
one a little more
than
the other
man, I feel bad for your girlfriend. you're a prime example of white male entitlement. and dude, give us some imagery. we can't relate to your observations on a world that you're not even conveying. boring stuff. try a bit harder next time.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. Terrible. Just terrible.
DeleteSomeone is a salty anon...
Deletewow dude. honestly, as a friend of yours who is too scared to say this to your face, you should really think about doing something else.
ReplyDeleteYour stories are good, but you need work on your poetic devices. These seem more like stories that you wrote on a keyboard with a sometimes-broken spacebar and a return key next to where the sometimes-broken spacebar is located. It's more distracting than poetic in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think somebody's jealous..because they don't have friends with great bathrooms..lol great poetry unique and to the point!
ReplyDeleteI love The Real Question- it's unique, kindof deep, but hilarious at the same time. I do agree with one anonymous when he/she says that more poetic devices would be helpful. They can convey alott of meaning and feeling indirectly and more effectively than just words or lines, even simple devices like alliteration. Great job overall though!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. I especially enjoyed The Surprise. A lot of love and work goes into these poems, you can tell.
ReplyDeleteas a child
ReplyDeletegrowing up in a
traditional italian
household
I was always waiting for
my father
to really lose it
and kill my mother and I
Remember the dream you had years ago, when something like this happened? - new apartment renter