James Babbs- Three Poems

Now I’m Really Confused

I didn’t know why

I was waiting for her

she’d already told me

numerous times

she didn’t want to go out with me

but there I was

sitting in my car again

listening to the radio

waiting for her to finish work

I just wanted to talk to her

because

I had some new things

I needed to tell her

things she didn’t know about me

the door opened and

when I saw her walking out

I swear

there was a light

from the sky falling on her

I faltered

I felt like I couldn’t move and

I forgot

what I was doing there

then she saw me

she smiled at me and waved

I waved back at her and

she came over to the car and

climbed inside

before I knew what was happening

hey

she said

her smile shooting through me

like a bullet from a gun

I tried to say something

but it got stuck in my throat

what are you up to

she asked me

I kept clearing my throat and

finally

managed to cough up a

nothing in reply

she gazed out the window

I had turned down the radio

but I could still hear it softly playing

she turned back to me

I could really use a drink

she said

we drove to a bar I knew

not too far from there

we had a few drinks and

some good conversation

once I was able to talk

she told me a lot of things

I already knew

but it didn’t bother me

we stayed at the bar for a couple of hours

but she never mentioned anything

about all the times

I’d asked her out

when I drove her back

we both got out and

I walked with her over to her car

it was starting to get dark

but I could still see her face

shining in the fading light

we stood there for a moment

without saying anything

then I felt her hand

touching my arm and

she leaned into me

kissing me heavily on the mouth

I felt her

pulling something from me

when she stepped back

I saw it

hanging in the air between us

goodbye

she said

getting into her car

I watched her drive away and

after she was gone

I kept standing there

I didn’t know what to think

Then I Looked at Her

I remember

we had a few exchanges

something about

the high cost of beer and

the funny name of

the drink she ordered

then we had a short discussion

about how this place

didn’t have pitchers and

I asked her

where she was from

I told her

I liked the color of her eyes and

she seemed to be enjoying herself

because

I watched a smile

lighting up her face

when I asked her

if I could buy her a drink

she just nodded her head

then I looked at her and

something

hung in the air between us

I told her

I was going to ask her

for her number

but she’d probably just end up

breaking my heart

because

sooner or later

every woman did and

she started laughing

because

I guess she thought

I was trying to be funny

Disturbance

I imagine objects

falling past my window

sometimes

I think about drowning

especially when I’m driving

over bridges and

I can see the rivers

spreading out below me

in the dark

underneath the moonlight

snow-covered fields resemble

large bodies of water and

I think about lakes

I contemplate

the vastness of the ocean and

too often I catch myself

dreaming of your body again

the way it felt

when I last touched you

a million years ago and

most days

I have no idea where I’m going

I just like to keep moving and

some time soon

I want to fly

just by waving my arms and

I’ll take off all my clothes

to make my body lighter and

when I soar over your house

I want to scream your name

at the top of my lungs