Monday, January 13, 2014

Crystal Ybarra- Two Poems

On The Inside

You haunt
Like a ghost,
On all
Of the days
That I wake.
You take
And you twist
And you
Break me.
You flip
Me around
And you
Shake me.
To know
And to feel
That you
Are me...
Could ever
Have been me;
Could ever
Still love me,
After what I
Have done
To me.

Doses Of Suicide

You bury your face into my neck like the groove of my clavicle was designed for your head. Your lips travel the distance to mine and you slip me your tongue like a venomous snake bite. My lips are paralyzed, stuck to yours for a split second. Hugging to the crackle of clove cigarettes, I keep you near, liquefy my words, and breastfeed your poison back to you.

For three years I've swallowed down desire: your words tainted with land mines. I only write because my tongue has been tucked away in a secret spot, because I've tucked away the hopes of finding someone else whose kisses can wash away yours.

Don't tell me time will work things out because I've sacrificed enough already. See, this love has an expiration date, and honey, its gone sour. What's in me will make you sick to know that I can play these games too.

If you l only knew, you'd quit me; take those lips and walk away. Your land mines are just nicks from a rough shave because my three solid years of dedication have taught me to split the atom with my pen...cultivate the biowarfare within; wrap my broken heart in a poem and mail it to you in a letter like a pretty packaged bomb.

My eyes are needles under your skin, in your veins, feeding you all the heroine you never wanted to look at...much less try. Yeah, that's heroinE, with an 'e.' The heroin, the heroine, the opium, blended with the HERO, in mE. Baby, I'm a drug; suicide, in doses...a mere addiction if you're strong.

So watch out with those kisses, 'cause I know what Janis was talkin' about when she said, "take it." But I'm only gonna warn you once: you make think you're stealin' my heart 'cause "it makes you feel good," but if you take too much...this love can kill you.

Crystal Ybarra

Internationally published in the landmark anthology, Collective Brightness: LGBTIQ Poets on Faith, Religion and Spirituality. Regular poet with Seattle's, Voices Rising: QPOC Arts and Culture. Community organizer, social justice advocate, survivor, artist, poet.

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