FINDING OURSELVES HAD NOT BEEN EASY
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, she said to herself, gazing out the
window. Why not? she asked, addressing
no one in particular as she sat behind her off-white office desk, laughing. Adjacent,
directly across the street, Tiny Pierre, who sold laughter to the dying,
clapped his hands and stomped his feet, jumped up and down, turned circles and
genuflected. The afflicted, bed soaked in death, hooked up to respirators,
gestured weakly with their hands. Three wheelchair patients wiggled their toes.
Dr. Milton and doctors Cavat and Parker stood nearby, discussing a recent
arrival's statistical chart, occasionally glancing in the direction where Tiny
Pierre was and then wasn't. From Ward 12, the Sick Bay of Life, laughter
echoed. For the most part, everyone was happy. Natasha wedged her way, step by
step, sliding her left foot first and then her right foot farther along the
ledge near the open window at the Universal Guaranteed Match Mates Building, a
firm that exclusively endorsed the perfect relationship. Natasha decided she
would spend her lunch hour and most of the afternoon, sixty-three stories above
pavement, reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell
Jar. From the moment she was first
noticed on the ledge, a sparse crowd began to gather, taking bets amongst
itself and chanting Jump! Jump! Jump! Now leaping two and three steps at a
time, Tiny Pierre hurried up the emergency stairway toward the sixty-third
level. By the time he got to the
fiftieth floor, Tiny Pierre could barely guffaw. He laughingly cursed the
elevators for being out of order today and momentarily paused to check his
Daffy Duck wristwatch in order to gage how much time he thought he had before
she jumped. Thirteen minutes later, Tiny Pierre reached the top. He regulated
his laugh, which took about a minute, leaned out the window, and called to
Natasha. Miss! Oh, Miss! The people
below are wondering if and when you are going to jump. Jump! I only came out here to read. Catch some sun. Get outside of these walls. You
know...escape! Inside the Match Mates rectory, located on the first floor,
Reverend Ross was looking into the sacred mirror and adjusting his white
collar. He wiped off his patent leather
sandals with a soft rag and rallied a call to battle. Mercy, mercy. To understand
all is to forgive all, he sighed. Down in the basement, Ferguson, the attendant
of the building, was reloading his pipe and explaining his theory to Mr.
Betterway, the President of Match Mates. Now the way I see it Mr. Betterway is
that she's only gonna make a small splatter on the pavement of life. Sirens
sounded. The Rescue Eight team arrived. An ambulance arrived. A police squad
car arrived. Mite-sized gaps closed as the crowd cluttered together to watch. Firemen
hoisted an enormous metal extension ladder from below. Stepping to the
pavement, Natasha told a reporter that it looked like it might rain.
THE THIRST FOR POWER
If a man
obeys everyone he needs to obey, it stands to reason that eventually there will
be no one left to obey and others will start to obey him. Which was just the case of the white collar
worker who lost no time in finding someone to obey. Who could he charm? His next door neighbor's wife. His assistant supervisor. His major competitor. Just last week he had charmed two sweet old
ladies in a millinery shop to take his suggestion on which hat to buy. But then he raised his sights on the mayor of
the city he lived in. His charm seemed
so infectious. I'm a leader in my community, the mayor said. I'm able to get my faithful followers to
contribute coin to my campaign in any increment I name. All legal of course. And the white collar worker imagined separate
bank accounts in different cities. The
only trouble was the mayor worked ten hours a day and had very little time to
be charmed. The white collar worker
drank coffee all day while the mayor answered the telephone and conducted
meetings. You know, said the mayor, I'm
an active member of the American Legion and the VFW. I attend parades and ceremonies in honor of
my friends. It was then that the white
collar worker heard himself say, Here, let me answer that phone for you. It's probably someone unimportant
anyway. And when the white collar worker
would get impatient and want to lead the 4th of July parade, the mayor would
say, I'm only happy when I'm dedicating a park in my honor, or cutting ribbons
at a new shopping center I've been instrumental in persuading the public to
vote for. But it's not enough simply to charm the person you want to obey, you
have to live in their shoes, lose sleep over matters of life and death, and
sell your soul to the corporate world so that your city has a tax base that is
large enough to pay all your public employees.
So after two weeks of charming the mayor and his staff, two men in dark
blue suits, driving an olive green four door sedan, carted the white collar
worker off to jail. They threw him in a
cell with murderers, rapists, and con artists.
The mayor, of course, relieved that the white collar worker had been
removed, proclaimed that the following week would be "Local Charm Week."
There would be banners, marching bands, drill teams, and baton twirlers. What is the true measure of charm
anyway? Apparently, the white collar
worker made one fatal mistake. He had been
charming the already charmed when he should have been charming the ignorant to
learn humiliation. Think of the infinite
mindless nonthinking people who would line up in droves to be manipulated. In no time, had he realized this, he could
have been president of the United States.
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