remembering you
there's oceans of possibilities
sparkling in the sky
for you and me,
and i wonder if our paths
will ever cross again
or if forever i'll
merely be sidled by all
these memories;
i know i messed up
and i apologized
but i will grovel before
no one—
once you told me flawed as
i was that i was
beautiful,
and the same is true
of you;
but maybe i should let go
you don't seem to
count my absence as a
loss—
i will always admire your
beauty, courage, and
strength;
hard as you are i know
there is a softness
and fragility
in you and, darling, that's not
weakness for the greatest
strength anyone can
have is
love—
these memories remind me
of days sprawled in
sunset haze
of autumn laughter and
dreams
burning brighter than the stars,
and if i could make all the apologies in the
world matter then i would give them
all to you because i never
meant to hurt you
and yet i did;
perhaps i'm the monster they told
me my father was
i've tried so hard to only feed the wolf of the
light but the one in the darkness is
always there,
snapping and snarling as if looking for someone
to devour—
i never meant to bite you.
always
when you told me
i didn't understand how anyone
could find scars
beautiful,
and now i do
as the silences of the years fall
between us
in small oceans of leaves and
forgetfulness;
but i still remember everything
it's a curse i guess for
being the girl that remembers love
always and being the one that
cares and loves more—
i miss you
more than you could possibly know
as i write all these stories and novels and poems
i think of you
wondering if you're going to be in the next
movie i see or if you'll be in
a magazine
i pick up to look at whilst at the mall
waiting for someone;
i'll always support you even if you'll no longer
let me be your friend because to me
you'll always be my sister,
and i'll always be sorry for hurting you.
of recollections and remorse
i remember once
we found a
cat
walking out a window and we were
so concerned about it falling
off the roof on a
stroll around town,
and i remember cruising around in your
little pink car,
or the time i came over to your
apartment when the electric
went off in the dorms
declared us the silver trio and made you
laugh so hard that you insisted
you were happy the
electric had gone out to begin with;
i also remember
when we went to philadelphia together
and i lost all my inhibitions as
soon as the music came on at the rave,
but i also remember
i was the one that hurt you
lashed out because i was miserable but it wasn't
your fault everything seemed to be going
up in flames and it was never right
for me to attack you
and i'm sorry that i did because i miss you
because some of the best memories
i have is of all the times we
were stupid together
or just laughing or exploring all the answers to
the questions life gave us—
maybe one day we'll meet again and perhaps
time will have lessened the wounds
won't throw the salt in
let you love me again.
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