Melanie Browne- Three Poems

The God Of The Oceans is a Real A-hole

in Hawaiian  Mythology

the God of the oceans

is Kanaloa, and he is

really mean, he represents

darkness and he is the

stuff of nightmares,

he swallows people

up and then spits them

out on the other side

of the world, he can

give a surfer a really 

awesome head wound,

he gets hungry and scarfs

a lot of spam barbecue 

sandwiches, and doesn't leave

any for anybody else,

but the worst thing is when

you are relaxing on the beach 

with a Mai Tai, and he roars

up to the surf spilling your drink,

dragging you down,

pulling down your top,

flipping you over and knocking

your head against

the bottom of the sea floor,

he doesn't care about the 

restraining order,

it's just another piece of paper

he carries out to sea

A Lock Of Mick Jagger's Hair

is worth six thousand dollars apparently,

which is equal to about 4 thousand pounds,

or about five-hundred black and tans,

but I couldn't help but wonder,

if I submitted a strand of Sir Jagger's hair

for DNA analysis, or held it under

a microscope, what would I find?

what chem-trail colors, what golden reverie,

what revolutions, what collective unconscious

a dreamy thing, a lock of hair, a castle in the air!

part  bourgeoisie, part gnarly savage beast,

but after all, it's only hair!

just worth more than Mine or your's

or his or hers!

but no, something tells me

this hair is different,

something very alive

with breathless magic like

Frankenstein's monster,

it would move with

enchanted funk,

this hair!

this trembling,

fantastical hair!!!

I Drank Some Five Hour Energy With Vladimir Putin

We had some laughs

in his Lada Kalina,

I was afraid to try

five hour energy

because I read about

a girl who ended up

growing an extra head

and a second set of

teeth after drinking one,

but Vladimir set my mind

at ease and said,

what's a matter? you chicken

or something?

I didn't want to look like

a cowardly American so I

tossed that red drink back,

and five minutes later I was

reading Tolstoy's War and Peace

in Russian and various texts from

the Bolsheviks that amazingly appeared

in my hands. I could See Vlad

laughing, his teeth unnaturally white,

and the Russian people

all around me were dressed like

Rasputin and I told Vladimir

"this is really good stuff!" 

and he laughed an unnatural laugh,

and immediately it started snowing,

the tanks were heavy on the ground,

the Lada Kalina became a prison,

and this is why you shouldn't drink

liquid speed with the leader of

the Russian federation