Noel Negele- Three Poems

Waiting

Upon returning home one morning

Hangovered to the endmost

Significantly more dead than alive

I saw an ex girlfriend

Taking her new boyfriend's dog out

For a walk, talking to her cell phone

Pretending she doesn’t see me

Decreasing the boredom wherever she went

With so much life upon her legs

And even more so

Between her thighs

She was a wildflower once and still,

Blossomed stubbornly at the edge of the cliff

And I the poor bastard tried to grab her 

And hold onto her fire

But like with most things in my life

I plummeted into failure

Deep down the end of the pit

And like with most things

I still stare up

From the rough surface of the bottom

Wondering about what could’ve been

If the lot of things were different in my life-

I tell you

Sometimes it’s difficult to walk across the street

And keep the holes in your soul

From leaking all the wrong things in plain view,

Especially when love becomes as useless

As a used up condom floating on the puddle

Of the sink

Like a hurricane worn sailcloth

Unfit to even

Wipe your ass with.

Officially 24

Sitting there amongst all the bad boys

Watching a lousy football match 

In the stifling smoke filled atmosphere

Of an underground poker place

18 beers drunker than I should’ve been

I managed a whole new level of stupidity

By staring at this girl I shouldn’t stare

Next to her ugly ass gigantic boyfriend 

Who’s been in prison more times than I’ve vacationed

In my life

And to my defense she liked my colors too-

But anyway the man came over my table

Asking in a not so polite manner

About what the hell am I looking at-

And you must understand I was drunk brave and eager 

To descent lower to the barrel of uselessness and futility

So we went outside together- awkwardly walking towards the pavement

Where he essentially beat the hell out of me

Taking half a piece of a tooth of mine

Along with the last shred of dignity I had left.

There is a kind of freedom in the indecency of 

Your ungrateful sadness

And in the absolute understanding of your uselessness

That just brings peace inside the center of your agony

And I stood up after a while 

Wondering about how am I going 

To get inside again to pay the bill

Without everyone smirking and laughing

At me

But then I realized I had already paid the bill

So I started to walk away

Trying to whistle

Through my half broken tooth.

No one gives a shit

If it’s your birthday or not.

Easter 

The chain - smoking girl

quick to shed tears

wears your white shoes

walks carelessly 

amongst a disarray of bottles and cans

in a short black dress

a creature in love

in love with you

in the mornings she wakes up

can’t quite handle it when you're asleep

because she feels alone

and so she wakes you up too

rubs against you

kisses and bites

you

it’s all for you

lying on bed and joking

not thinking much about the badness anymore

you're not saved

but you're closer to deliverance

than before

saying that you could lie in bed for days

and you both mean it

drunk and talking about Dostoevsky

how many girls are there anyway

that would initiate a conversation about ol' fiodor? 

covered by a blanket on the couch

drinking and giggling with the news

as outside religious zombies

spill in the streets towards the churches

like a mass of idiocy, 

and as the firecrackers explode

something in this house explodes too

we are burning in a wonderful way 

and no one but us knows it

and at dawn at my lowest

I rang your bell

and you came down covered in that blanket

and in the elevator up

you covered me too

as we stared at our reflection in the mirror

smiling

and in the stillness of today’s noon

I left you there at the stairs

like the scumbag that I am

but you must understand 

most of us lousy creatures

compromise with love

as we compromise with everything else

and I don’t like to be that way

I don’t love you

and I'd like it if I did

but I don’t

and I'm sorry

and leaving you there

I knew that it meant

turning back to the emptiness of me

but that’s fine now

you can get used to your soul

leaking all the time

and at the bus stop

a couple on bicycles 

rode by laughing

and I looked at the clock and it was

6 in the afternoon

and it was ticking towards

the only direction

possible.