Linda M. Crate- Two Poems

all the things you said

you are a good man
to everyone
but me,
and i don't understand
why you hate me
you say that you don't and you didn't
and you'd never;
but actions speak louder than words
you always told me never to speak of the
arguments i had with you
to anyone—
i felt trapped:
chores, work, and your insistence of
my time always
you never understood that i was not like you
i needed time alone to flourish and grow
just insisted i was weird and
depressed,
and i know i'm eccentric
but i am not sad!
thank you for assuming things that were not true
it wasn't hurtful in the least,
and i've swallowed so many things i've wanted
to say to you;
now they're coming swimming to the surface
once more
i never talk to you because you never
cared for me
i was just a burden in your eyes
so i just walked away
without looking back because i value my freedom
and my independence and following my dreams
more than the constraints of a
conversation with someone who doesn't
understand.


judgement

i've always tried to be kind to you, i have,
and i know i sometimes failed
i have a temper
and you do; too, and we cut each other
on words neither of us should
have said—
you said you love me,
but i don't trust you; you wounded
me too deep
and i do love you
despite the fact that you hurt me
and all the painful memories
i have of home—
keep up this wall of distance
not to hurt you,
but to protect me because i don't trust
you've forgiven the past
when you bring
up
my past mistakes all the time
i don't yours,
why must you forever humiliate me in mine?
i always wanted to make you proud
as if in doing that i'd make you
love me,
but all you wanted to do was
judge me instead.