Linda M. Crate- Three Poems

sometimes i wonder

sometimes i wonder what would have happened
if i had stayed,
maybe i would have drawn you out of your
darkness and back into the light;
but i just couldn't
endure all the struggles your depression gave
you—
i just wanted you to be happy,
but even my brightest colors and my prettiest smiles
could not make you smile in return;
everything became so
broken
and the silence you gave me cut like a knife
tripped and fell on all the stained glass pieces of your heart
you left fractured in my wake—
i hope somehow you again find the light
grow from that dark corner you locked yourself into
decided growth was more important than
holding onto the bitterness, the sadness, the rage.


maybe one day

i remember once
you borrowed your neighbor's car,
and i sat indian style
the entire way to the store it was
so big;
and you took a picture
we were so happy
i am sorry i took that from you,
but all the silence you gave me just hurt
couldn't force words out of my
mouth just because you
had sewn your mouth shut—
i sometimes wonder what you're doing now
and i sincerely hope that you don't hate
me because i remember
seeing that unicorn's head in that person's yard
and falling into that mudhole and
watching star trek with elizabeth and how
everyone used to tell me you had
johnny depp cheekbones
and the time you wore lipstick in a picture, and the
guyliner you always used to wear
it never bothered me but everyone else told me it
was strange;
but i was never normal—
perhaps, one day i'll see you again,
and you can tell me if you hate me or not.


i hurt you

i wonder if you ever found anyone
again and my hope is that you did
you deserved better than me,
and in case you were wondering yes
karma has kicked me;
i've fallen in love with a celebrity
that doesn't even know my name but i
love him all the same—
i hope, if anything, since i've left you were able
to focus on yourself and pull yourself into
the light because none of the light in
me could ever ignite your
candle
despite my many attempts,
and all i ever wanted was for you to be happy
i hope you realize you don't need me to
be happy;
i hope you still believe in the good
because it's out there
i see it in glimmers of hope and in the humanity
that strangers have given me and what i've seen them
give others—
the world isn't the dark place i once said it was,
and i hope you can believe in love again
because love didn't hurt you, i did, and for that i am
sincerely sorry.