Alan Catlin- Three Poems

      The Herman Melville Lecture

 "I was at the Towne Tavern one afternoon

 and now that my beard is growing back

 I have a look like The Ancient Mariner

 or The Old Man of the Sea.  I was having

 a beer and enjoying some conversation

 with some friends when this innocent thing

 nearly of age walks up and asks:

 "Excuse me, sir, do you mind if I ask you

 a personal question?"

 "Not at all dear, fire away."

 "Are you Ernest Hemingway?"

 "No dear, but if I was I'd be well preserved

 having been dead for 50 or so years."

 And it only gets worse.  Seamus Heaney was

 in town for the annual Herman Melville Lecture

 that week.  I couldn’t believe how many kids

 were walking around telling other kids how

 Herman Melville, you know the guy who wrote

 Moby Dick, would be giving a lecture on Thursday;

 says a lot about our education system today."

      The Girl I Should Have Married

 "I might have married Judy but there was

 this thing that happened.  I was down

 on her heavy and her mother opened the door.

 All I could do was look up and there she was.

 She didn't say a word, didn't have to.

 I told Judy I had to leave.

 I'd had a few anyway so a little shut eye

 wouldn't have hurt me any.

 Imagine how I felt going back there.

 The old lady was belting her around pretty good.

 The old man didn't care but the old lady

 sure as hell did. 

 I knocked on the door and the old lady glares

 at me as if to say what the hell are you doing

 here, asshole?

 I can't leave without my car keys, Judy's got 'em.

 Couldn't marry a woman with a bitch like that

 for a mother.

 Too bad, she was a real enthusiastic woman

 when it came to sex."

                        Bro

 Tunes on the radio suggest it's a 60's

 kind of late afternoon out On the Boardwalk

 with The Drifters.  He's basking on the porch

 close to three hundred pounds of bloated flesh,

 most if it in a belly his kids can't refrain from

 poking as he yells over the music to his

 across-the-street neighbor,

 "They're going to set bail, it doesn't look good.

 We're talking 125 Grand, maybe more."

 "Ten percent has to be guaranteed, right?

 Why so high, what did he do?"

 "They caught him with like seven grams of coke,

 an unlicensed automatic weapon, an unspecified

 explosive device, and enough joints to turn on

 a football team."

 "Bad news, isn't it?"

 "The bad news is his prior for dealing to minors

 that went with another felony possession rap.

 He said he was innocent but he's already done time."

"How do you feel about it, I mean your brother

 getting jammed by the cops?"

 "It's not like he killed someone. He's still my bro

 and I'll be there to the end even if he gets Life."