you were supposed to be
my best friend
always,
but you chose him over me
it didn't have to be
that way;
but it
was—
you broke all the promises we made
that a man would never matter
more than our
friendship,
but you let me go;
and i'll stand by my sixteen year old self and say
i never want to be married
not if it means
breaking all my promises
and hurting all
my friends—
you changed and became the meanest,
most ignorant person i've
ever known
pushy and bossy;
demanding and ferocious
all you want is complete and utter control over me
to pull my strings taut because you can't
control the chaos
of your married life,
and if this is the way it is then please
forget my name
i've had enough villains in my life, mystique, i
thought you were my friend.
you're gone
i
lied to myself
when
i was sixteen
because i've always wanted a family,
and a husband to hold my
heart;
for my children to know their
father like i could never
know mine,
and my stepfather tried but he is not my
blood and kin
it's different
no matter how much he loves me
there's still a hole in my heart
where my father
ought to be—
you
insisted that we didn't need men
because you would never
marry,
and you insisted that i'd be married one day
the irony is that you're the one that's
married and i am here
still searching
for the man that is meant to hold my heart
in his hands, the one that makes
these raven's lips tremble
in both love and fear;
because unrequited love has nearly ripped me
apart
he can't do it to me again—
we were friends once
but you are gone
too absorbed in your own concerns you let our
friendship wither,
and it's only because i'm pulling away
that you want to draw
closer.
just the same
you're a bully
tactless and rude
always
insisting that i give, give, give
so you can
take and take and take;
i am a giver,
but even i have my limits
all you do now-a-days is irritate
me—
no, you cannot have everything
for free, and no i will not feel
bad for that;
once we were best friends
shared everything
were there
for one another like no one was there for
us,
and now we've drifted away
you probably blame me
i blame you—
you were the one that put your husband before me
then when he started to irritate you came
clawing back to me,
and you expect that i can just ignore all the times
you weren't there for me all the times you
just ignored my texts
i'm sorry, i can't;
thought that i meant more to you than that
yet it turns out that i'm just a paper
thin
leaf blowing through the winds of a lost dream,
and you're tearing through me
with every word—
i thought you were someone i could believe in,
but you're just like everyone else
you just want to take
until i have nothing left to give.
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