P.A.Levy- A Poem

‘How To Philosophize With A Hammer’

(or down in the East End with Niezsche.)

 

Me and Phil Mitchell, you know the geezer,

face like a boiled clam, lobster colour

and steaming, were ‘aving a few jars down

the Queen Vic, chatting about this, chatting

about that, when I notice his ‘ead starts

ballooning into some grotesquely pink

bubble gum bauble all set to go: BANG!

 

Laughably ‘e concludes it’s because         

‘e went to uni and ‘e needs to express

his ideas on Jean-Paul Sartre and Nietzsche.

I thought Chelsea had splashed the cash again,

got in some new lads for their pub quiz team,

so not to be out done I mouthed off

untold praise for the West Ham Academy.

 

Slurps on his lager, pulls gargoyle faces,

before going on about reinventing

treason; claims there’s too much rhyming

and too few metaphors in the world these days,

blames all our woes on lesbians and gays.

Just then his brother Grant pipes up, moaning,

fed up, on the look out for a cheap thrill;

so we kicks the shit out of Ian Beale.

 

After the pub we get the eighty six

to Stratford, me and Phil ‘ave another

set to, all ‘cos ‘e reckons that was where

Shakespeare came from, but I know ‘e were south

of the river, so says I, that makes ‘im,

bard or no bloody bard, Millwall and a bit pikey,

and, let’s face it, for 'im to ‘ave  crossed

the Thames; what for, it’s just so unlikely.

 

Now Grant’s getting very bored by all this

old rabbit.  At the bus stop ‘e lays into

some fart-faced queue jumping hag.           

Her shopping hits the deck and there’s apples

and pears rolling about in the gutter,

‘er bag gets split, there’s claret and piss

all over the shop.  There’s even some talk

of the old bill coming, blue lights flashing.

And on top of all that, the bus driver

gets all in a right ol’ strop.  Just ‘cos we

ain’t got nufink smaller than an tenner.

 

So we legs it off up to the Boleyn.

Downs a portion of pie and mash with green

liquor.  Then we ‘ave a little sing song,

a few choruses of:‘Bubbles’ sat around

the World Cup statue of Hurst an’ Peters

holding aloft the late great Bobby Moore.

Feeling all claret and blue, Grant reckons

I’m blessed to be in the: ‘Twilight of the Idols’.

 

 

‘How To Philosophize With A Hammer’ – first pub.  Ersatz Press #1 2010

 

 

 

Bio:

 

Born East London but now residing amongst the hedge mumblers of rural Suffolk, P.A.Levy has been published in many magazines, both on line and in print, from ‘A cappella Zoo’ to ‘Zygote In My Coffee’ and many places in-between.  He is also a founding member of the Clueless Collective and can be found loitering on page corners and wearing hoodies at www.cluelesscollective.co.uk