Before Peyton there was Potter
who packed houses in Boston
and Baltimore, best entertainer
of his day, who said he was the bastard
son of a baronet and a slave, who said
he was creole, who said he was Indian,
never saying if American or Asian, who
danced on eggs, pulled seven wagons
with his chest, curled in an oven with raw
mincemeat pies and came out unbaked,
retired to a small New Hampshire hamlet, built
a grand house, followed his wife up a rope
and disappeared, and then the house
disappeared, and the town, all gone but
for a square rock-walled paddock graveyard
and a green and white historical plaque:
“This 19th century master of the black
arts was known throughout America.”
And down the road in Franklin is born
the massmurderer Dr. Holmes.
Salt Lake Shocker
and HERE’s the photo to prove it!
3-legged skater banned! Hockey
players are America’s smartest
athletes. Every time I get plastered
my wife gets pregnant! Nessie pregnant--
& Champ’s the daddy. American monster
left her high & dry, charge angry Scots!
Cleveland fights back. New Jersey bum
is the real King of England! “If they let her
on the ice, we’re toast,” say superstars.
Statue of the Queen has human skin.
Coot, 89, has world’s oldest working
dentures. Gal strangled by her own bra &
panties. Mama was a saint–but I killed
her anyway! “They just keep getting tighter
and tighter!” Virgin Mary says: Repent–
the End Times are here. Egypt seeks
return of ‘McMummies’ from McDonald’s.
Bighearted boss opens brewery for employees!
Raccoons drink beer but won’t do laundry.
I’m God’s gift to women–& I’ve got
12 kids to prove it! U.S. exporting lap
dancers to Afghanistan. I’m short, fat
and ugly–but gals ADORE me!
Was I wicked in a past life? Psychic fly
swatted. ‘It was a terrible, terrible mistake,’
says secretary. I’m dying to marry
the lunatic who shot me twice! If I had
taken your advice, Dotti, I wouldn’t be
Pediatrician Kelley White worked in inner-city Philadelphia and now works in rural New Hampshire. Her poems have appeared in journals including Exquisite Corpse, Rattle and JAMA. Her most recent books are TOXIC ENVIRONMENT (Boston Poet Press) and TWO BIRDS IN FLAME (Beech River Books.) She received a 2008 PCA grant.